Mother’s Day Angst!

It might come as a surprise but I am not really a fan of Mother’s Day.  I know this is probably a terrible thing to say and most people will not understand how anyone could possibly feel this way but for me there is a certain untruthfulness to celebrating this day.

It feels awkward, celebrating my mother who was not exactly the motherly type.  I am not at all sure why my mother ended up having five children when it was so obvious she did not enjoy being a mother and was prepared to make very little effort in that department.  Every Mother’s Day I find myself in the card department of the stationary shop, staring blankly, trying to find a card with enough sentiment to be meaningful, as every good and dutiful daughter should do, but not so much that it makes me want to vomit.

I guess for those of you who have had loving upbringings, with cuddles, home baking and encouragement, what I am saying will be sacrilege, and I apologize if my honesty offends anyone.  But I know I will not be alone in experiencing a certain bar-hum-bug-ness for this particular celebratory day.

Even as a child a struggled over what gift to buy my mother, anxious over what her response would be.  The earliest gift I remember choosing for my mother by myself was a frosted glass vase, I was seven.  The vase was small and elegant and perfect for holding a single rose or small flowers from the garden, and I bought a silk red rose to put into it.  I remember wrapping it in a soft pink tissue paper, it is funny the things that stand out from your child hood.  Buying this gift had made me so happy and I was so excited to give it to my mother and I expected to be loved in return.  Instead my mother told me she didn’t like fake roses and put the gift to one side.  To say I was hurt and disappointed would be an understatement, but even at the age of seven I had learnt to compartmentalize my feelings, but unfortunately this experience, along with many others, shaped my early love life into an unhealthy and needy search for perfection, which I only learnt was abnormal when I studied psychology at University.  Thank the Lord for University!

Of course I have my own family, three beautiful children, with another on the way, and a philosophy to motherhood that is the antithesis of my own upbringing and this is definitely what I should be celebrating on Mother’s Day. My children make me home made cards, even the 25 year old, and I got a new pair of shoes, yummy smelling face scrub, chocolates, and an ornamental rooster, and I love everything! I know how fortunate and blessed I am and we had a wonderful day together playing board games, eating yummy food, and watching a funny movie.  We all thoroughly enjoyed the time together and we will get together next weekend and do it all over again :), sans presents, because family should be something you celebrate all of the time!

mothers-day-angst
Happy Mother’s Day

 

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